Search for the Author
by Lasinad
Summary: Someone's gone missing. Watanabe joins the secret ideal organization. Ilpalazzo fixes the game from episode 4. Nabeshin can fly. Even more crossovers to see. Chapter 6 complete. Reviews determine speed of sequel.
1. Insanity Knocks

Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. Everyone in this fic is an Excel Saga Character. None are original. Sad, isn't it? Oh, well…Oh yeah. I like Excel and Hyatt equally. I don't own Harvest Moon either, just a single copy of BTN.

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Scroll is laid out:

KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges.

Koshi Rikdo

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Scene changes to that of the opening.

Sore wa ai ja nai

Ai wa sore ja nai

Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai

Kesshite ai ja nai

Ketsu wa ai ja nai

Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai

Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni

Damashite sukashite yokohairi

Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite!

Banana no kawa de korondemo

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame

Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.

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The camera starts off in space. Or at least it seems so. The Great Will of Macrocosm backs away slightly and speaks.

GWoM: Hello. I the Great Will of Macrocosm will reset the story so you can get a grasp on why we started with me.

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After a bright flashing light, we are brought to Lord Ilpalazzo's lair. He is wielding a pitchfork and a taxi sign.

Excel's hyper and Hyatt is dead on floor. Both are in front of him.

Excel&Hyatt: Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!

LI: This world is corrupt!

GWoM: Too far back, Lord Ilpalazzo.

LI: Hm…Alright. (Clears throat) For today's assignment, I will dispatch you both on a wild cruise that may result in your death, Excel, and Hyatt's permanent revival.

Excel: WHAAT?!

Hyatt: Oh, thank you sir. But I'm not worthy.

LI: Indeed…So I guess a change of plans. You two will instead go investigate the disappearance of this man. (Clicks button, Holoprojector comes on with a 20 year old man)

Excel: Who's that?

LI: That is a man called Ecir Sirhc. He is 20 years old, single. He was on a trip to the nearest computer when all of a sudden he vanished into thin air.

Hyatt: I wonder what could have happened to him?

Excel: Who cares? As long as Lord Ilpalazo tells us to do something, Excel's willing.

LI: If you finish the investigation, I order you to give him a pretzel. It is known to be his least liked 

food.

Hyatt: Why would we give him something he doesn't like?

LI: It is to torture him into speaking why he disappeared.

Excel: But if Hyatt and Excel find him, wouldn't we already know why he disappeared?

LI: That is not the point.

There's a knock on the door, Wanatabe enters.

Wanatabe: Hello, people. I came to join your ranks.

LI: Very well…You will be promoted to my second in command. If for any reason I am to fall…

Excel: Lord Ilpalazzo! Do not speak of Excel and Hyatt's Lord in such a manner!

LI: Indeed…Either way, I want you to fix this video game (1) that somehow malfunctioned on me.

Wanatabe: No problem.

Wanatabe takes the game and heads to a back room.

LI: Now, back to the issue at hand. You are dismissed.

Excel&Hyatt: Hail Lord Ilpalazzo!

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Screen flashes to Nabeshin. He pulls a credit card out of his afro and orders a pizza.

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Screen flashes to Excel's apartment. Excel's playing Harvest Moon, while Hyatt's dead on the couch. Menchi is hiding inside a vase, after hearing another 'Gonna cook you' dialogue stretch.

Excel: Excel wonders if Excel has forgotten something?

Hyatt: Weren't we supposed to find someone?

Excel: Oh, yeah. Wasn't his name Rob Schnider?

Hyatt: No, I'm pretty sure it was Ecir Sirhc.

Excel: Yeah, that's his name. Were should we look first?

Harvest Moon's screen suddenly flashes an image of a library, or, Excel just had Jack enter accidentally, she wasn't sure.

Excel: Perhaps we should check the internet? Excel hears that it can suck a person into the screen and never let them out. But if this is true, then Excel is worried that she might get sucked in as well, causing Lord Ilpalazzo to suffer a major loss to ACROSS, and Lord Ilpalazzo will be devastated and not have enough employees to conquer the City of F. But then, Good Excel did say that there's a lot of people who could replace Excel, so Excel doesn't want to risk it.

Hyatt nods in confusion.

Excel: Alright then. Tomorrow, we will check on the internet for a trace of Rob Schnider.

Hyatt: Ecir Sirhc.

Excel: Excel said that.

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Fade to black screen:

Today's mission, …



Mission…….Failed!



----------------------------------------------------------------------

Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.

Kizuiteta ano hi kara

Anata ga chikazuite kita wake

Hagotae no yawarakai

Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to

Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni

Kono mi wa dou utsuru

Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni

Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.

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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.

Author's Notes:

(1) The game seen in lovey dovey puny love, love puny, episode 4. (the game's bgm kinda familiar…)

(2) Both songs are the Japanese lyrics. Majority vote says wether they appear again or not.


	2. Research Annonymous

Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. Everyone in this fic is an Excel Saga Character, except Ecir Sirhc. By the way, thanks for the reviews.

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Scroll is laid out:

KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges. (Not really.)

Koshi Rikdo

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Scene changes to that of the opening.

Sore wa ai ja nai

Ai wa sore ja nai

Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai

Kesshite ai ja nai

Ketsu wa ai ja nai

Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai

Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni

Damashite sukashite yokohairi

Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite!

Banana no kawa de korondemo

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame

Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.

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-The camera starts off with the Great Will of Macrocosm again.-

GWoM: Continue. We will start the story from the cut off point.

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-Screen fades to the Harvest Moon Library, where Excel is pounding away at Mary's computer. The poor librarian is cowering in the corner, while Hyatt is dead at her feet.-

Excel: Oh, please, show Excel the route to find this Rob Shnider guy.

Hyatt: But Ecir Sirhc wouldn't be easily found that way, would he?

Mary: EEK! The dead girl talked!!

Excel: Well, of course, silly! She is only written to be dead.

Hyatt: Did you find any results yet?

Excel: -Typing away- AHA! 1,500,000,000 results on the disappearance of Ro--er Ecir Sirhc. Let's go one random result at a time. -Excel clicks on the first hyperlink, showing the same image that Illpalazo showed on projector.- Hey, this is the guy! Excel found him! Excel found him!!

Hyatt: -clapping on floor- How wonderful!

-Just then, Jack, the farmer, bursts into the library.-

Jack: I have come to save you, Mary! -He pulls out a Golden Axe and hacks away at the computer.-

Excel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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-Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen- (Board with a Kanji symbol)

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-Screen flashes to Nabashin finishing off his pizza, then burping.-

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-Screen flashes to Pedro, running away from GWoM-

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-Screen flashes to Excel's Apartment, where Excel and Hyatt have been blasted out of Harvest Moon's game world. Menchi, whom was celebrating up until then, runs back into her flower jar.-

Excel: Oh, brother. To think that an inanimate object forced Excel and Hat-chan as animate objects out of it's area.

Hyatt: At least we found out why the man Ecir Sirhc disappeared, didn't we?

Excel: Oh, yeah! Excel forgot all about that. They said it was on the website www.Imafakewebpage. COM, right? We'll see what we can find there at the real library tomorrow!

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-Flash to Illpalazzo's back room, where Watanabe's finishing up on his repairs of Episode 4's game.-

Watanabe: I somehow feel complete. Maybe I'll play this game a bit.

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-Flash to Illpalazzo's main lair-

LI: I wonder how Hyatt and Excel are doing on this case…Knowing Excel, something's bound to go wrong, but then Hyatt is also on the case. Who knows? Maybe one mission will actually be 'successful' just before the ending credits?

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Fade to black screen:

Today's mission.…

Today's Mission….

Mission…….Failed!

Mission………Failed!

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Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.

Kizuiteta ano hi kara

Anata ga chikazuite kita wake

Hagotae no yawarakai

Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to

Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni

Kono mi wa dou utsuru

Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni

Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.

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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.


	3. Temporary Replacement

Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. Indeed, you have heard this rant before twice. Yeah, it's a pain. *Nodding in agreement*. Yes I know Nabeshin's location is vague. *nod*. Pu-chuus? Yeah, they're coming soon…*evil grin*. And, the reviews are very inspiring…*celebrates existence of Excel Saga*.

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Scroll is laid out:

KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges.

Koshi Rikdo

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Scene changes to that of the opening.

Sore wa ai ja nai

Ai wa sore ja nai

Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai

Kesshite ai ja nai

Ketsu wa ai ja nai

Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai

Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni

Damashite sukashite yokohairi

Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite!

Banana no kawa de korondemo

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame

Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.

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Screen appears again, with Great Will of Macrocosm speaking.

GWoM: It seems that somehow, the last two chapters I was mislead into thinking that this fiction was going to be about me. I will destroy he whom made this and cause a riot in ErOnItAkE Chicken Grill. He doesn't work there, but that's only because it doesn't exist. Oh, yes. I was told to notify the readers that the female translator is sick today and couldn't make it. Author has scheduled someone as a replacement, but you shouldn't be able to notice.

The Great will of Macrocosm restores the story to the cut-off point of previous chapter.

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Today's Mission:

Nabeshin: HEY! Great Will of Macrocosm! Pedro's getting away!

GWoM: What? Really!? Sorry, I've got to go!

GWoM flees from the sight.

Nabeshin: Sorry about her…we'll just continue the story from where it should have started.

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Excel and Hyatt are now in F city's deluxe, triple story library. Excel is on the computer on the third floor, however, Hyatt didn't make it to the stairs before dying yet again.

Excel: Ecir Sirhc…Ecir Sirhc…Hatchan! What was that website again?!

Hyatt: (Barely audable) Ima…ake…ite…om.

Excel: Alright. (speaking while typing) Imakeiteom…was that .org or .net? Perhaps Excel should just search again? But then, Jack from Harvest Moon will just burst into the library, saving someone whom might not be here…What should Excel do?

Luckily for Excel, Hyatt made it to the elevator, and is now dead between the shutting doors.

Hyatt: I think it was Imafakewebsite. COM.

Excel: Whew! That was a close one. To think, there's a guy waiting outside with an Axe prepared to be guilded into gold.

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A Pu-Chuu is walking up the stairs of the library, slowly, weilding an axe of silver.

And as fate would have it, Watanabe speeds up the stairs, slamming the Pu-Chuu against the wall accidentally, on his way to see Hyatt.

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Watanabe reaches the top floor and helps Hyatt to her feet.

Watanabe: I'm so sorry I'm late, Miss Ayasuki. I promise to be here earlier than the first death of the chapter in next chapter.

Hyatt: It's ok. I'm fine.

Excel: Hey, what's your name, dude?

Watanabe: YOU?! YOU'RE THE DAMN NOISY NEIGHBOR THAT I WANTED TO GET RID OF!

Hyatt: Oh, I'm sorry. She is my roomate, E-no…CherrySoupie, right?

Watanabe: Ah, so the girl I wish to kill is CherrySoupie Right, right?

Hyatt: No, no. CherrySoupie Right is wrong.

Watanabe: Ah, so CherrySoupie Right Is Wrong. Is that Elven?

Excel: Just call me Jo.

Watanabe: Ok, so Jo, what you looking for?

Excel: I'm looking for a man on the internet who goes by the name of Eric Carter.

Hyatt: Ecir Sirhc.

Excel: Yeah. But then, people keep rushing into the library and destroy the computers, so I have run short of reasons to continue this search except Lord Illpalazzo is counting on me and I love him and would do anything for him but that usually results in my death, so I don't know what more I could do, do you?

Watanabe: …No wonder why Sir Jake told me to steer clear of you.

Excel: Sir Jake?

Watanabe: He told me not to tell anyone his real name, so I asked if I could call him Sir Jake. He said no, but if very critical situations popped up, to call him that.

Hyatt: Mr. Watanabe?

Watanabe: Yes, Miss Ayasuki?

Hyatt: Could you take me somewhere to eat?

Excel: Oh, yeah. She's hungry, go feed her. *thinking* _With her gone, I will increase my speed for the search of Ecir Sirhc. I know this, even if she may not…But then…_ I wanna go too!

Watanabe: Alright! We'll all go eat.

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Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen (Tan colored with a Kanji symbol)

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Nabeshin: Hm…They've found me. I must go now, to hide myself more.

*Nabeshin walks outside of his Secret Overground Lair, forgetting that he's without external support, falls.*

Nabeshin: Daaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmn! Wait! Is that a girl I see? She's got long silver hair and a wing!

*Nabeshin forgets all about falling, and walks on mid air up to the "girl", who turns around.*

"Girl": (Mans Voice) I see that you can fly…That means one of two things…

Nabeshin: Hey! You're not a girl! NOOO!

Man: Yes…it is true then.

Nabeshin: What is? TELL ME!!

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Watanabe, Excel and Hyatt are at a Burger King. Excel has ordered seven #1 combos, an extra large fries and an apple to wash it down.

Excel: (Mouth full) So, Watanabe, *gulp, sigh* who is the guy over there waving at you?

(Watanabe turns quickly to see Iwata's huge grin.)

Watanabe: Iwata! I told you not to follow me, Jerk!

Iwata: Well, Watanabe! I didn't expect to see you here! And with TWO girls instead of one! Why are you the lucky one?

Watanabe: *thinking* _Hm…Sumiyoshi isn't with him today…must be visiting his grandparents._ *speaks* If you really insist on being here, Pay for Jo's Meal!

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*Flash to Illpalazzo's Lair*

LI: It appears to me that this is getting out of hand…I expected Excel and Hyatt to figure it out by now…Perhaps he will tell him hisself? Oh well…at least he's one to work without a doubt.

*Illpalazzo starts playing 4's game*

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Fade to black screen:

Today's mission, …

Mission…….Failed!

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Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while the replacement translator appears in the lower right hand corner.

……..

…..….

………..

….….

…….

………….

……..

……….

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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.


	4. Answers In Question

Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. Everything else on this disclaimer has been spoken many many times…I don't own Mortal Kombat, nor do I own Final Fantasy VII. *well, maybe just a copy of each.*

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Scroll is laid out:

KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fan fic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges. And if I do, I hereby allow the fan fic author to not try a counter-suit against me.

Koshi Rikdo

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Scene changes to that of the opening.

Sore wa ai ja nai

Ai wa sore ja nai

Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai

Kesshite ai ja nai

Ketsu wa ai ja nai

Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai

Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni

Damashite sukashite yokohairi

Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite!

Banana no kawa de korondemo

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame

Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.

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The blackness fades to whiteness, and 3 puchuus are walking down a street.

Leader: Pu Chuu! (Let's dance)

Minion1: Pu Chuu! (Yes, Let's!)

Leader: Pu Chuu! (Dance Now!)

Minion2: Pu Chuu! (Will Do!)

Leader: Panning! (Peter!)

Smee: Lightning has just struck my brain!

*All three Puchuus stare at Smee.*

Leader: Pu Chuu Chuu! (after him!)

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Excel awakens from a Pu Chuu Dream, where Peter Pan's nemesis' servant was being chased.

Excel: Hat-Chan! Where was it that I left the instructions on how to rescue a person who has been sucked into the internet again?

Hyatt: I believe you gave it to Watanabe yesterday when he took us to lunch.

Excel: Oh, Yeah! Perhaps Excel will go over next door and ask him for it!

*Excel walks outside and marches next door. She even brings a band, two elephants, a float and a frizz bee. She knocks on the door as loudly as possible.*

Watanabe: What the hell's going on out here!?

Excel: Oh, hi, Watanabe! Excel was wondering if you had Excel's instructions on how to bring a person out of the internet?

Watanabe: Who is Excel?

Excel: Excel is Jo's alter ego, who is truly the best member of ACROSS, and Senior. She humbly serves Lord Illpalazzo in his arrogant, yet grand conquest over the city of F!

Watanabe: …(sweat drop) Yeah, I have the instructions that you gave me, Jo.

*Watanabe hands over a piece of paper*

Watanabe: Now, would you do me a small favor?

Excel: What could that be?

Watanabe: Well…Get The Hell Out Of Here!!!

*Somehow, the force of Watanabe's voice forces Excel off of the rail and she is crushed by one of the elephants that she brought. She instantly is revived.*

Excel: Right On! Go, GWoM!!

*Hyatt steps outside of the apartment, and Watanabe falls to the floor in a supreme 'I'm not worthy' pose.*

Watanabe: *stammering* H-Hello, Miss Ayasuki.

Hyatt: Hello, Watanabe. How is your job going?

Watanabe: Well…

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*Up, in the sky, for the past 15 hours, Nabeshin is talking to Sephiroth.*

Sephiroth: Why do you insist that I tell you?

Nabeshin: Because! I'm the director!

Seph.: Just because you're the director, doesn't mean you're the author.

Nabe.: SHUT UP AND TELL ME!

Seph.: (Sinister Chuckle) I'll give you one chance at me. If you defeat me in battle, I'll tell you everything.

Nabe.: Why must I fight all who I wish to speak?!

Seph.: It's in the script.

*Nabeshin and Sephiroth are transported to an arena, surrounded by familiar faces…most of which have been fighting 7 games in a row.*

Mysterious Shaolin Monk: Who are you?

Nabe/Seph.: Stay out of this!

Shaolin Monk: (Sweat drop) All right!

Seph.: Prepare to meet your demise!

Nabe.: You too!

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*Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen.*

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*Menchi is locked in the house, yet again celebrating*

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*Pedro is sweating more than he did when he died in the fire, yet still tries to elude GWoM.*

GWoM: Mr.Pe! Wait!

Pedro: Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

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*Somehow, between the time that they faded from screen until now, Hyatt has died, and Watanabe took her inside his apartment*

Watanabe: (Finally I got her in here…I just wish these two idiots weren't here.)

*Sumiyoshi and Iwatta are staring, eyes glazed.*

Watanabe: Hey, Iwatta! Why aren't you helping Jo, Jerk?!

Iwatta: Now, now, Watanabe. You know that I'm bad at staying by people's side.

Watanabe: You're doing an excellent job at pestering me 24/7! Why can't you bother her for a while?!

Iwatta: All right…Come on, Sumiyoshi.

Sumiyoshi: (Kanji Symbols appear) [In good time…You'll be sorry…]

Watanabe: Shut up!

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*Flash to Lord Illpalazzo's Lair*

LI: I'm getting impatient. Why haven't Excel or Hyatt reported on their progress? Are they really that incompetent? Well, I know Excel is, but why is Hyatt taking her time? Perhaps…Maybe Watanabe will lead them the way. That is why I recruited him, isn't it? (He looks at his script.) Hm…It appears to me, that even I was convinced of misleading information. Oh, well. (He continues to play the video game.)

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Fade to black screen:

Today's mission..…

Today's Mission..…

Mission…….Failed!

Mission Failed!

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Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.

Kizuiteta ano hi kara

Anata ga chikazuite kita wake

Hagotae no yawarakai

Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to

Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni

Kono mi wa dou utsuru

Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni

Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.

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Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.


	5. Lost After Found

Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. I miss the original Excel Voice Actress…Yack, yack, yack, Nabeshin vs. Sephiroth, yack, yack, yack, Iwata and Excel/Jo, yack, yack, yack, more characters to enter.

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Scroll is laid out:

KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I have given the author full authority over it's contents, etc., and that I will not complain, protest, condemn, or file charges.

Koshi Rikdo

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Scene changes to that of the opening.

Sore wa ai ja nai

Ai wa sore ja nai

Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai

Kesshite ai ja nai

Ketsu wa ai ja nai

Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai

Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni

Damashite sukashite yokohairi

Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite!

Banana no kawa de korondemo

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame

Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.

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-Starts off, once again, in Ilpalazzo's Lair. Ilpala is reading a book by R.L.Stine. Obviously, he's grown tired of the game for a while, and decided to read for the time being. Excel and Hyatt are in front of him.-

Excel & Hyatt: Hail Ilpalazzo!

LI: Oh, hello. What took you so long? I've been waiting for a report from you two for the past week. Well?

Excel: Well, you see, Lord Ilpalazzo, we had a little bit of trouble in the research process. But, overall, we've found the man Ecir Sirhc. He was located on www.imafakewebpage .com. However, since extracting him was such a problem, and had nothing to do with our conquering of F City, Excel decided against extracting him from the website.

LI: You know, although you have a small point, you must consider something.

Excel: What would that be, Lord Ilpalazzo?

LI: This. -He pulls the legendary rope, Excel falls.- Let's not forget that even though this man is of the ignorant masses that we are trying to take over, that he provides a major percentage of the population. All of .0001% to be exact. If we do not find him, then a search party will seek him out. If that happens, then we'll be sought for being the ones to try to find him first, plus I think he could be of a great use to us outside of the internet, as you say he is in. Therefore, you must find an absolute way of extracting him immediately.

Hyatt: Well, Lord Ilpalazzo, we did find means of getting him out, but Hyatt believes it may be excessively painful on his behalf.

LI: I appreciate your concern for others, but this man has no real agenda in the internet, does he?

Hyatt: Yes, that is true, Lord Ilpalazzo.

Excel: -splashes and climbs back up- Lord Ilpalazzo, why is it that you hired Watanabe again? He seems only good for supplying Excel and Hyatt with food. Although, I do enjoy the luxury of not having to pay, he's rather useless otherwise.

LI: Nonesense! I hired him because of a script error I've come across. But, no matter. Until further notice, he will remain as a member of ACROSS. And until you return the man from the internet, you are dismissed. Please keep in touch. Bye-bye.

Excel & Hyatt: Hail Ilpalazzo!

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-Flash to the Mortal Kombat arena, where Nabeshin and Sephiroth are at a standstill.-

Nabe: -panting excessively- Had enough?!

Seph: -Not yet broken a sweat- Hardly.

-They continue their all-out rumble-

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-Pedro collapses in exhaustion. GWoM picks him up and gives him a little stamina boost. Pedro then stands up, thanks GWoM, and continues running. GWoM continues chasing.-

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Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen (Tan colored with a Kanji symbol)

-------------------------------------------------------------

-A pair of legs are seen walking up a flight of stairs. The camera zooms upwards, stopping at the predictable areas, and finally ends up at a woman's face.-

Misaki: …I really hate when you guys do that. -She continues up the stairs and knocks on the apartment door. Sumiyoshi answers.-

Sumiyoshi: [Hello, Matsuya.]

Misaki: Hello, Sumiyoshi. Would Iwata be here by chance? I need to beat the hell out of him for taking photographs of me while I slept.

Sumiyoshi: [Yeah, he's here. But he's hiding in the bathroom, so it'll be tough to get him out.]

Misaki: Believe me, I'll get him out. -She enters, and walks straight to the bathroom door.-(Sweet Voice) Oh, Iwata?

Iwata: -Slams the door open abruptly- Is that you, Misaki?! I knew you'd come to your senses and call upon me in your time of need! What can I do for you?!

Misaki: (Normal voice) Well, you could start with explaining why I woke up with my sheets off? And with a camera with no film?

Iwata: -Swallows hard, immediately tries to slam the door, but is stopped short.- Erhm…It wasn't me? Yeah, that's right! I tried to tell Sumiyoshi not to go to your apartment last night, but he wouldn't listen for anything!

Sumiyoshi: [Damn liar!]

Misaki: I don't care if it was your neighbor that did it, but I demand some sort of justice, so… -she whaps Iwata senseless.- That'll teach you! -She leaves.-

--------------------------------------------------

-Watanabe is searching the internet, with Excel's instructions in hand. He had agreed to Hyatt's request to be the one to extract the man trapped inside.-

Excel: Man, what's taking you so long?

Watanabe: Shut up! I am trying to concentrate here!

Hyatt: So, Mr. Watanabe. When you do finally extract Ecir, what will you do?

Watanabe: _Well, I kinda plan on taking you somewhere where we can be alone. _Not much. I was just hoping to help you fulfill your requirements of Sir Jake. What is it you plan on doing?

Hyatt: Well, I haven't thought of that. Perhaps he may have another mission for us when we return?

Excel: Of course he will! Lord Ilpalazzo's the best employer in the universe! And he wouldn't deprave us of something to do, now would he?

Watanabe: Yes, I suppose you're right…

-The computer screen flashes a brilliant color of cyan-yellow. Immedeately, a man, somewhere around the age of 21, escapes from the lighted computer.-

Man: What's going on? Last thing I remember, I was going to Imafakewebpage .com…now I am in the presence of 2 rather well drawn girls and a strangely odd looking mirror…

Watanabe: Hey! Are you… -Excel knocks him out of the way-

Excel: Hello! My name is Ex…Jo! I have been dispatched by Lord Ilpalazzo to find a man by the name of Ecir Sirhc. By description, he is age 20, is single and looks somewhat like you. Have you seen him lately?

Man: Um…no. I haven't seen him lately, but thanks for…-Computer screen flashes again, man is sucked in.-

Excel: Well, looks like we found the wrong man!

Watanabe: …You did remember to ask if he'd seen a mirror lately…because how can one see oneself when they're stuck in a computer for a week?

Excel: Aaah…-face melts- We must find him again!

--------------------------------------------------

Fade to black screen:

Today's mission, …



Mission…….Failed!



----------------------------------------------------------------------

Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.

Kizuiteta ano hi kara

Anata ga chikazuite kita wake

Hagotae no yawarakai

Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to

Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni

Kono mi wa dou utsuru

Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni

Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.


	6. Concluding Introduction

Disclaimer: I don't own Excel Saga. I merely decided to collect the series. I like Roppenmatsu and Roppenmatzu equally. Yeah, they're basically non-identical mirror images of Excel and Hyatt, but that's why I like them. Sumiyoshi…is funny sometimes…odd how a mute holds so much humor, huh? Nabeshin's probably going to lose this fight…or will he? Who is going to finally extract Ecir? Why such a long disclaimer, when it's not even part of the story? Eh…On wit the fic.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scroll is laid out:

KR Disclaimer: I, Koshi Rikdo, hereby pledge, in the event that "Excel Saga" is made into a fanfic, that I… -Koshi Rikdo has a heart attack, then recovers.- Pu-chuu…Pu-chuu.

Koshi Rikdo

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scene changes to that of the opening.

Sore wa ai ja nai

Ai wa sore ja nai

Ashite iru kedo aisarete wa inai

Kesshite ai ja nai

Ketsu wa ai ja nai

Aisaretai keredo motometari wa shinai

Kono mi sasagete inochi antedate

Wakime mo furazu tada hitasura ni

Damashite sukashite yokohairi

Tanin o fumitaoshi keri o kamasite

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite! Tonzura koite!

Tonzura koite!

Banana no kawa de korondemo

Sore wa subete ano kata no tame

Stiite iu nara sore wa kitto

Ai to iu na no chuuseishin.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-Back at the library, Watanabe at the keyboard once again.-

Watanabe: Hmm…Look here! It seems that the man has been pushed farther into the website. Now there's an even bigger risk of him getting morally injured.

Excel: Don't you mean 'mortally?'

Watanabe: No, I mean morally. He's going to be ashamed of even getting out of this section…

Hyatt: What section of the site could he possibly be in?

Watanabe: …Out of the code of the 'Man of Hellish Undesired University' Rule number 212; I can't tell even you, Miss Ayasugi.

Excel: Wow! You went to college?!

Watanabe: …No. Couldn't get around to it after my sister broke my spinal cord's best friend: My thinking chair.

Hyatt: Oh, how awful!

Excel: Alright, Watanabe! Let's dig this guy out for good!!

-Monitor flashes Greenish-Orange this time, and the same guy pops out of the screen.-

Ecir: Man…Never in my life have I ever been so humiliated…

Excel: Sir! Have you seen a mirror lately?

Ecir: Hm? Why would there be a mirror in the internet?

Watanabe: What this idiot, 'Jo' is trying to ask is, would you happen to be Ecir Sirhc, age 20, single, and stuck in a specific website?

Ecir: Not anymore. Now, I'm Ecir Sirhc, age 21, single, and am released from the dreaded website.

Hyatt: So, you aged while you were in the internet?

Ecir: Unfortunately, yeah. I was hoping to be released before then, but…not all things happen according to plan.

Excel: Shut up, already! You are hereby granted a pretzel!

Ecir: Pretzel? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo -deep breath- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

------------------------------------------------------------

Screen flashes to Commercial Break Screen.

-------------------------------------------------------------

-Nabeshin and Sephiroth are now in round 3. Nabeshin has pulled out a dragon sword, as Sephiroth has a War Hammer.-

Nabe: Wait! I'm supposed to have a machine gun, rocket launcher, grenade launcher and a magnum!

Seph: Get used to it. However, my image is being ruined with this War hammer. -The war hammer is erased, and a Masamune Blade replaces it.-

Nabe: No fair! That makes me ANGRY!!!!

Announcer: Round three goes to Nabeshin!

Seph: Why?

Announcer: Well…due to research, there's always a character in EVERY anime that you never want to see angry. For this anime, Nabeshin is that person. Didn't you see the third episode of the series?

Seph: …Fine. I'll tell you everything.

-----------------------------------------------------------

-Menchi is enjoying yet another break-

------------------------------------------------

Roppenmatzu and Roppenmatsu are walking along the park.

Roppenmatzu: Big sister! Big sister!

Roppenmatsu: Yes, Roppenmatzu?

Roppenmatzu: Do you know what time it is?

Roppenmatsu: It is a quarter after 9 a.m.

Roppenmatzu: NO! Let's sing an Intro song!

=============================== Roppenmatsu/Roppenmatzu Intro Song =============================

So we aren't quite live

But death simply isn't ours

We do not enjoy dying every episode

That we are in, but still it pays the bills

Either that or go back to, The comics for us

Shouldn't we go out to eat? Maybe it is fun

But we still don't eat! But we still don't eat!

But we still don't eat! But we still don't eat!

But we still don't eat!

Bananas, oreos, chocolate cake, rice paper too

It's all in favor of getting full anyway!

So let's fill up these guts of ours, because we…

Don't need toooooooooooooooooo!

====================================== End Intro ===================================

Excel Girls: That's probably the worst song we've ever heard in our lives! How dare you mock us!

(Message from the author: if you didn't like the song, don't throw rocks. Spur of the moment can be deadly on one's behalf, and I didn't like it either, but…they're in more than 2 episodes, so they kinda deserve something to say that they're in the show, right?)

Roppenmatzu: Darnit!…Looks like we'll have to try harder, Big Sister.

Roppenmatsu: It appears so. Perhaps we should continue on with our journey.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

-Back at the library-

Excel: Erm…This guy sure does like to remain silent, doesn't he?

-Ecir is cowering in the corner, shuddering violently, yet remaining extremely quiet. Not even 'Pretzel's gonna kill me' can be heard.-

Watanabe: Maybe we should just take him back to Sir Jake's headquarters…it'll probably save time.

Hyatt: That is a wonderful idea, Mr. Watanabe.

-------------------------------------------------

-Ilpalazzo's Chambers-

L.I.: I see you've finally completed your mission. Now I have a final request.

Ecir: Erm…are you speaking to me, sir?

L.I.: Yes, I am. My request is for you to end this episode before Excel goes haywire and Hyatt dies again. Oh, yes. As for Watanabe, you will remain in ACROSS for another episode. Do you understand?

Watanabe&Ecir: Yes.

Ecir: So, Should I just turn off the word processor like -- -- --

--------------------------------------------------

Fade to black screen:

Today's mission, …



Mission…….Completed?! Rediculous…



----------------------------------------------------------------------

Screen moves right slightly as Menchi enter a spotlight. She howls to some music while a translator appears in the lower right hand corner.

Kizuiteta ano hi kara

Anata ga chikazuite kita wake

Hagotae no yawarakai

Kono mi ga anata no okonomi to

Ue ni taeteru hitomi ni

Kono mi wa dou utsuru

Shokusu nara hitoomoi ni

Oniku ga kataku naranu you ni.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Menchi is grabbed out of the spotlight by Excel's arm.


End file.
